The Big Bang Theory Season 1

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Tangerine Factor
Episode 17 (Season Finale)

These guys really brighten up my day! And Howard didn't really look that nerdy and disgusting in real life!

***
Penny (talking to Leonard): I mean not "you" smart, normal non-freaky smart.

***
Penny: Do yo have a second?
Sheldon: A second what, pair of underwear?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Peanut Reaction
Episode 16

It's hard to blackmail someone if you have to explain to them you are blackmailing them. Howard's a pervert but he missed out on the party! hahahahaha

***
Sheldon (on celebrating Leonard's birthday): It's actually based on very sound theories. His mother published a paper on it. ... It was obviously effective. Leonard grew up to be an experimental physicist. Perhaps if she'd also denied him Christmas, he'd be a little better at it.
Leonard: Thank you.

***
Penny: I want to talk to you.
Sheldon: What would we talk about? We have no overlapping areas of interest I'm aware of.

***
Penny (on having a party for Leonard): He just doesn't know he wants one cause he's never had one.
Howard: I suppose that's possible, but for the record, I've never had a threesome and yet I still know I want one.
Penny: Howard, here's the difference --- the possibility exists that Leonard could have a birthday party before hell freezes over.
Howard: Fine. If I do have a threesome, you can't be part of it. ... I'm just kidding. Yes, you can. Can you bring a friend?

***
Customer: Which hard drive do I want - firewire or USB?
Sheldon: It depends on what bus you have available.
Customer: I drive a Chevy Cavalier.
Sheldon: Oh, dear lord... What you computer do you have? and please don't say a white one.

***
Howard: No, you don't understand
Nurse: Oh I understand. Unfortunately this hospital is not equipped to treat stupid.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Pork Chop Indeterminacy
Episode 15

Raj is sooo adorable! Just his luck that the medication wore out when he was about to get the girl! I can't stop laughing!

***
Leonard: Some physicists are concerned that if the super-collider actually works, it'll create a black hole and swallow up the earth. Ending life as we know it.
Raj: Pfft, What a bunch of crybabies. No guts no glory, man.

***
Sheldon: How can you be late? I wasn't expecting you at all.
Howard: Nobody ever expects me. Sometimes you just look and bam! Howard Wolowitz.

***
Missy: That's because you have no measurable sense of humor, Shelly.
Sheldon: How exactly would one measure a sense of humor? A humormometer?

***
Sheldon: They call me a genius, because I'm a genius.

If only we can all be confident like Sheldon!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Nerdvana Annihilation
Episode 14

Miniature time machine indeed!

***
Leonard: Come on guys, push!
Howard: If I push any harder, I going to give birth to my colon.

***
Raj: A time-share time machine!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Bat Jar Conjecture
Episode 13

Will there really be a seen depicting Spock's birth on the new Star Trek film? I'll definitely watch out for it! I really liked the scene where Leslie terrorized Sheldon.. so funny.

***
Sheldon: Well, at this point I should inform you that I intend to form my own team and destroy that molecular bonds that binds your very matter together and reduce the resulting particulate chaos to tears!
Leonard: Thanks for the heads up.
Sheldon: You're welcome.

Now, that's what I call a THREAT! :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Jerusalem Duality
Episode 12

Wow, a 15-year doctoral candidate! What was I doing when I was 15?

***
Sheldon: I sense a disturbance in the force.

***
It's like looking into an obnoxious, little mirror isn't it?

***
Leonard: I need to tell you something, and I need you to listen carefully.
Sheldon: Alright.
Leonard: GO AWAY!

***
Sheldon: Engineering, where the noble, semi-skilled laborers execute the vision work of those who think and dream. Hello, Oompa Loompas of science.

***
Raj: Do you what he did? He watched me work for 10 minutes and started to design a simple piece of software that could replace me.
Leonard: Is that even possible?
Raj: As it turns out, yes.

***
Raj (on getting rid of Dennis Kim): We can't send him back to North Korea. He knows how to get out.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Pancake Batter Anomaly
Episode 11

Leonard: Drink plenty of fluids.

Sheldon: What else would I drink? Gases? Solids? Ionized plasma?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Loobenfeld Decay
Episode 10

Sheldon (on Penny's singing voice): I would suggest something to the effect of "Singing is neither an appropriate vocation nor a vocation for you, and if you disagree I recommend you have a CAT scan to look for a tumor pressing on the cognitive processing centers of your brain.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization
Episode 09

Leonard: Sheldon, we have to do this!

Sheldon: No we don't. We have to take in nourishment, expel waste and inhale enough oxygen to keep ourselves from dying. Everything else is optional.