TBBT Se 02: The Bad Fish Paradigm

Episode 01

Why don't we just figure where we're going and when we want to get there, and then, rate of speed equals distance over time. - Leonard

***
Leonard: Sheldon, how can you let them spy on me?
Sheldon: They were clever Leonard. They exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing.

***
Howard: No, it's like, "This fish tastes bad, so I'm gonna slow down and spit it out."
Raj: You being the fish.
Leonard: I'm not the fish!

***
Raj: He was a lot more fun when he had no hope.
Howard: Give him time.

***
Penny: Sheldon? Can I ask you a question?
Sheldon; I would prefer that you not, but I won't go so far as to forbid it.
Penny: Alright, I heard "yes", so...

***
Sheldon: Oh. Well, a few years ago he did go out with a woman who had a Phd in French Literature.
Penny: How was that not a brainiac?
Sheldon: Oh, for one thing, she was French. Another is literature.

***
Sheldon: You're asking to keep a secret?
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Well, I'm sorry but you would have had to express that desire before revealing the secret. So that I could choose whether or not I wanted to accept the confidence of secret-keeping.

***
Penny: I would absolutely die of embarrasment.
Sheldon: Physiologically impossible.

***
Penny: Look, I'm asking you as a friend.
Sheldon: So, you're saying that friendship contains within it, an inherent obligation to maintain confidences?
Penny: Well, yeah!
Sheldon: Interesting. One more question, and perhaps I should've lead with this. When did we become friends?

***
Howard: Shouldn't you put him on a brown paper bag and set him on fire?

House (Season 2)

You know how people say you can't live without love, oxygen is more important. - Dr. House

...if Stacy can't trust you, you can't use her. - Dr. Wilson

Why is a guy on death row suddenly try to off himself? - Dr. House

Can't it be enough that I want to cause you pain? - Stacy

Oh no! Now you have left your entire body in my chair. - Dr. House

I'm the client, you moron! - Dr. Cuddy

It's the only reason why anybody does anything. - Dr. House

Everyone's got an opinion. - Dr. House

Don't worry. If it is you, no one would lift a finger. - Dr. House (to Dr. Chase)

Oh, you'll get all warm and cuddly around the dying girl and insinuate yourself and we'll end up in a custody battle. - Dr. House

If your patient's DNA is up by 1%, she'll be a dolphin. - Dr. House

Didn't sleep. Didn't breathe. I'm dying. - Dr. House

Exactly why you can't touch my markers. - Dr. House

Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person? - Dr. House

If it's Tuesday, I'm wasted. - Dr. House

So, her bravery was not a symptom. - Dr. Wilson

She stole a kiss from Chase. What have you done lately? - Dr. Wilson

I'm not gonna kiss you no matter what you say. - Dr. House (to a 9-year old girl)

The first casualty of this case is her sense of humor. - Dr. House

It's weird. Nothing funnier than almost killing a guy. - Dr. Wilson

The only good news is he won't be bitching about his arm if he can't breathe. - Dr. House

What if he was sick before his run in with gravity? - Dr. House

Sure. Only pavement hits that fast. - Dr. House

She's scarier than you are. - Dr. Chase

Why are you so curious about his curiosity? - Dr. Wilson

Four of them did. The question is why did I hire him. - Dr. Cuddy

My god, you're subtle! Something on your mind? - Dr. Cuddy

You two are just too nasty to each other not to have been... nasty. - Dr. Chase

Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good. - Dr. House

Oh. Check this out. It's fuzzy. It's black. It's alive. - Dr. House

You're right, I'm right. On the bright side, it has the advantage of keeping you totally responsible. - Dr. House

She's not acting like Cuddy. It's a pleasure. - Dr. House

My god, it's contagious! You're feeling guilty, too! - Dr. House

You're a good boss and you're not gonna be happy. - Dr. House

We'll if you live by the the river, I got a bag. - Dr. House

You see hypocrites everyday. Why is this one so special? - Dr. Wilson

You own disease? - Dr. House

Can't we just agree that you're just incredibly annoying? - Dr. House

Bizaare is good. - Dr. House

We are who people think we are. - Dr. House

Molecular mimicry. Nice! - Dr. House

Yeah, except in this universe effects follows cause. I've complained about it, but... - Dr. House

He was feeling better. He was never getting better. - Dr. House

You're just afraid of being wrong. - Dr. House

You just don't know how lucky you are. - Mr. House

I know. You're absolutely perfect just the way you are. - Mrs. House

Just the insane moral compass that won't let you lie to anybody about anything. It's a great quality for boy scouts and police witnesses, crappy quality for a dad. - Dr. House

He hates being a disappointment. - Dr. Wilson

So air is keeping him from breathing air. - Dr. House

I love it when you do both sides of the conversation. It's like white noise. It's very peaceful. - Dr. House

Either you screwed up or he's got cancer. - Dr. House

Congratulations Chase! He's got cancer. - Dr. House

Or repeat everything I say in question form. - Dr. House

Anger is not rational. - Dr. Wilson

You are healed. Rise and walk. - Dr. House

I want to apologize. Maybe I've been punishing you for a little too long. Or maybe you've been punishing me... I need to know, do you hate me? Or do you love me? - Dr. House

I hate you. And I love you. And I love Mark. - Stacy Warner

You'd be surprised what you can live with. - Dr. Wilson

Now let go of my cane before it becomes your new boyfriend. - Dr. House

It's not what you think. I know it looks like we're cleaning dishes but actually we're having sex. - Dr. House

His meds make him so much better so he made himself sick. - Dr. Foreman

Trying to win Stacy back by killing an animal. You're a caveman. - Dr. Wilson

He's too pretty to be straight. - a patient

Love is love. Satisfying is social validation, fun can wait. - patient

In a closet. Your girlfriend's other boyfriend showed up. - Dr. House

Why put on a raincoat when you're already wet? - patient

My giving a damn or not is not going to change anything. - Dr. House

Would you stop being nice? It's useless, and worse, it's boring. Get angry. One stupid night I end up with HIV. Do you have any idea how pissed off I was? - patient

Why, I had to? Mark isn't here. - Dr. House

Steve McQueen without hair? It's a blessing he died young. - Dr. House

She's fine. Probably getting bored by the question. - Dr. House

He though he was dying. Dying people lie, too. - Dr. House

What did you say when you thought you were dying? - Dr. Cameron

Playing by the rules makes everybody else, happy. Now, I'm happy. - patient

She thinks that he thinks that she's still have feelings for me. - Dr. House

He's alright. For a rat. - Stacy Warner

Sorry you're miserable. - Dr. House

Don't mind me? I'm just here for the show? - Dr. House

He steal her signature look? - Dr. House

I'm not an idiot. - Dr. Chase

Obviously not. Who doesn't sleep with a drugged-out colleague when they have a chance? - Dr. House

Not the kid, the rat! - Dr. Wilson

Not the rat, the dad! - Dr. House

Touch a dead fox, they jump aboard, they can hunker down for decades - growing, spawning, shopping, putting on plays... - Dr. House

Okay, it's cancer. You happy? - Dr. House

That's it? Okay? No name-calling? No squawking? No rending of garments? - Dr. Cuddy

You wanna kill yourself? Fine, but stop recruiting! - Dr. Cameron

Sure, why not! He hit me first. - Dr. House

I'm gay! Oh, that's not what you meant. - Dr. House

House (Season 1)

You can live with dignity. You can't die with it. - Dr. House

Here's what you need to know. It's dangerous. It could kill him. You should do it. - Dr. Foreman

Who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. - Dr. House

It's either that or get my hair highlighted. I think smugness is easier to maintain. - Dr. House

Beauty often seduces us from the road to truth. Dr. Wilson

Reality is almost always wrong. - Dr. House

People don't bug me until they grow teeth. - Dr. House

It's a very sad thing - an uncalibrated centrifuge. - Dr. House

I'll keep the kid alive. For a while at least. - Dr. Chase

What can I say? Chicks with no teeth turn me on. - Dr. House

Her only sign of mental illness is that she disagrees with you. - Dr. Cuddy

Clarification. It's a beautiful thing. - Dr. House

Neither is being obnoxious. Looks like you're clear. - Dr. Chase

'cause you irritate me. - Dr. House

Like I always say there's no "i" in team. There's "me" though, if you jumble it up. - Dr. House

The guy's already paralyzed, how badly can he screw it up? - Dr. House