Episode 9
Sheldon: You're aware that Leonard has entered into a new romantic relationship which includes a sexual component?
Penny: Okay, feeling the awkward now.
Sheldon: Her name is Dr. Stephanie Barnett and she is a highly distinguished surgical resident at Fremont Memorial.
Penny: Yeah, Leonard told me.
Sheldon: Good. What he may have left out is how important this relationship is to me.
Penny: To you?
Sheldon: Yes, see, of the handful of women Leonard's been involved with, she's the only I have ever found tolerable.
Penny: Well, what about me?
Sheldon: The statement stands for itself.
***
Penny: Really?
Sheldon: Yes. Now, should that happen, I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.
Penny: I could think about you.
Sheldon: Fine, whatever works.
Penny: Always nice talking to you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Uh, peace out!
***
Sheldon: Have you ever witnessed a violent crime?
Stephanie: No.
Sheldon: Good. What's your favorite fruit?
Stephanie: Uh, strawberries.
Sheldon: Hmm, technically not a fruit, but all right.
***
Stephanie: Uh, Lawrence Memorial in Galveston Texas.
Sheldon: Really? That's where I was born.
Stephanie: You're kidding!
Sheldon: I spent so much of my childhood at that hospital. When I was 12, I got to ride there in a helicopter.
Stephanie: What? W-w-what happened?
Sheldon: Radiation burns. A little mishap while I was building my own cat scanner.
Stephanie: I'm sorry, you tried to build your own cat scanner?
Sheldon: No, I didn't try, I succeeded. In fact, I was briefly able to see the inside of my sister's guinea pig, Snowball, before he caught fire. It led to an interesting expression "not a snowball's chance in a cat scanner."
***
Sheldon: Look, if you fail this relationship, and history suggests you will, then we risk losing the medical officer that our landing party has always needed.
Leonard: What landing party?
Sheldon: You're Kirk, I'm Spock, Wolowitz is Scotty, Koothrappali is the guy who always gets killed... and now we've got McCoy.
***
Sheldon: Leonard, Leonard, Leonard.
Lenard: What Sheldon?! What Sheldon? ! What Sheldon?!
Sheldon: Tell me what you see here.
Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?
***
Sheldon: Why does he get a digital sheep and not you?
Leonard: It's just her Facebook page and we've only been going out a couple of weeks.
Sheldon: You don't see it, do you? We're losing her.
Leonard: Okay, I'm going to make this very simple for you. You are not in this relationship. I am. Ergo, you have no say in anything that happens between me and Stephanie.
Sheldon: I'm afraid I can't allow that. Pursuant to Starfleet General Order 104, Section A, you are deemed unfit and I hereby relieve you of your command.
Leonard: General Order 104, Section A does not apply in this situation.
Sheldon: Give me one good reason why not.
Leonard: Because this is not Star Trek!
***
Sheldon: This is banana bread.
Penny: This is a door knob.
Sheldon: It's my understanding that an unsolicited gift of food can be a precursor to an impromptu invitation to come in and chat.
Penny: Sheldon, would you like to come in?
Sheldon: I suppose I could spare a few minutes.
***
Penny: Sheldon, what do you want?
Sheldon: I'm certain this will come as no surprise to you, but Leonard is failing in yet another relationship.
Penny: He's having problems with Stephanie?
Sheldon: She's sending virtual livestock to random men on the internet. If I have any hope of keeping them together, I need data.
***
Penny: Oh, okay, all right, you know what? I'll tell you what happened. We were young, we were very much in love, but we could only communicated through a time-traveling mailbox at my lake house.
Sheldon: It's not enough that you've made me watch that movie, but now you mock me with it?
***
Sheldon: Gentlemen, I have a question about dating and relationships.
Raj: You told me you're going to have the talk with him.
Howard: I've been waiting for someone to have the talk with me.
Sheldon: More to the point, it's about finding a way to keep Leonard and Stephanie together.
Howard: Oh, I don't think you can.
Sheldon: Well, why not?
Howard: Look at Leonard's record. 27 days with Joyce Kim.
Raj: During which she defected to North Korea.
Howard: Two booty calls with Leslie Winkle.
Raj: For which she awarded him the nickname "speed of light Leonard".
Howard: And a three hour dinner with Penny.
Raj: Which would have been two and half if they ordered that souffle when they sat down.
Howard: Based on the geometric progression, his relationship with Stephanie should have after 20 minutes.
Sheldon: Yes, I'm aware of the math. Y equals 27 days over 12 to the nth. The issue remains. How do we circumvent his inevitable rejection?
Raj: Well, if you want to guarantee his appeal to Stephanie, your best bet would be to kill all the other men on the planet.
Howard: I'll tell what you shouldn't do. Don't spritz him with that body spray from the commercial where the women undress when they smell it. That doesn't work at all. No matter how much you put on.
Sheldon: So that's all you've got. Apocalyptic genocide and "go easy on the cologne"?
***
Sheldon: Great. New topic. Where are you in your menstrual cycle?
Penny: What?
Sheldon: I've been doing some research only and apparently female primates, you know, uh, apes, chimpanzees, you. They find their mate more desirable when he's being courted by another female. Now, this effect is intensified when the rival female is secreting the pheromones associated with ovulation.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
The Universe: Mars The Red Planet
Season 1 Episode 2
"Yet as awe-inspiring as the Martian surface appears, it is a brutal, inhospitable zone for human beings." - Narrator
"It goes down to a hundred degrees below zero at night. Every night." - Steve Squyres, Mars Expedition Rover Mission
"...and what they find at the bottom of every Antartica lake bed is a testament to the stubborn tenacity of life. Mats of microbial organisms are thriving in frigid environments the receive virtually no sunlight" - Narrator
"Missions to the red planet are only feasible once every two years during a specific short window of time.
The launch must be timed so that the spacecraft and Mars arrive at a specific point in the planet's orbit at the same time.
The journey across the 34 million mile distance can take up to 7 months. And the trajectory must be perfect." - Narrator
"The accuracy required to go from Earth to Mars and to hit the spot you want to be at on Mars is equivalent to Shooting a basketball from Los Angeles to New York and have it go through without hitting the rim..." - Steve Squyres, Mars Expedition Rover Mission
"It is of course, all about the search for life.
When all is said and done, the engine driving all of the astonishing scientific effort to explore the red planet is the burning desire of humankind to know if life exists elsewhere in the vast reaches of space." - Narrator
"We find evidence for life on Mars and, we know there's life on Earth of course. Then, there's probably life all over the place. The universe is probably teeming with life. And if it didn't then, it makes us feel, I think a little bit more special." - ...
"It goes down to a hundred degrees below zero at night. Every night." - Steve Squyres, Mars Expedition Rover Mission
"...and what they find at the bottom of every Antartica lake bed is a testament to the stubborn tenacity of life. Mats of microbial organisms are thriving in frigid environments the receive virtually no sunlight" - Narrator
"Missions to the red planet are only feasible once every two years during a specific short window of time.
The launch must be timed so that the spacecraft and Mars arrive at a specific point in the planet's orbit at the same time.
The journey across the 34 million mile distance can take up to 7 months. And the trajectory must be perfect." - Narrator
"The accuracy required to go from Earth to Mars and to hit the spot you want to be at on Mars is equivalent to Shooting a basketball from Los Angeles to New York and have it go through without hitting the rim..." - Steve Squyres, Mars Expedition Rover Mission
"It is of course, all about the search for life.
When all is said and done, the engine driving all of the astonishing scientific effort to explore the red planet is the burning desire of humankind to know if life exists elsewhere in the vast reaches of space." - Narrator
"We find evidence for life on Mars and, we know there's life on Earth of course. Then, there's probably life all over the place. The universe is probably teeming with life. And if it didn't then, it makes us feel, I think a little bit more special." - ...
The Universe: Secrets of the Sun
Season 1 Episode 1
"We're also lucky that the moon, although it's 400 times smaller than the sun is also 400 times closer to us. This cosmic coincidence means that the two objects just happen to have the same apparent size in our sky, which allows the one to completely block out the other.
This magnificent cosmic event only happens when the path of the moon intersects the line between the earth and the sun. The moon's orbit is tilted slightly, about 5 degrees. If it wasn't we would have an eclipse every month ." - Narrator
"And then, we'll be bored. But we're not bored because most months the moon goes above or below the place where the line goes from the earth to the sun." - Jay M. Pasachoff, Williams College
"So instead of one every month, we get a total eclipse somewhere on earth about once every year and a half." - Narrator
"Imagine that you're sitting in the movies watching very happily something going on on the screen and then somebody in a row in front of you comes across and blocks your view. In the movie theater you might not want that person to come across in front of you but at an eclipse, we're very lucky that the moon come across the sun and we're lucky to have come right across the middle." - Jay M. Pasachoff, Williams College
"We're also lucky that the moon, although it's 400 times smaller than the sun is also 400 times closer to us. This cosmic coincidence means that the two objects just happen to have the same apparent size in our sky, which allows the one to completely block out the other.
This magnificent cosmic event only happens when the path of the moon intersects the line between the earth and the sun. The moon's orbit is tilted slightly, about 5 degrees. If it wasn't we would have an eclipse every month ." - Narrator
"And then, we'll be bored. But we're not bored because most months the moon goes above or below the place where the line goes from the earth to the sun." - Jay M. Pasachoff, Williams College
"So instead of one every month, we get a total eclipse somewhere on earth about once every year and a half." - Narrator
TBBT Se 02: The Lizard-Spock Expansion
Episode 8
Sheldon, Raj: Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock!
***
Howard: I got a whole list of them. Who wants to be my wing man?
Leonard: You're not gonna need a wing man. You're gonna need a paramedic.
***
Leonard: Howard's at the Mars Rover Lab. He says he's in trouble. Def Con 5.
Sheldon: Def Con 5? Well, there's no need to rush.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Def Con 5 means no danger. Def Con 1 is a crisis.
Leonard: How come 5 not be worse than 1?
Raj: Yeah, Star Trek 5, worse than 1!
Sheldon: Hey, first of all that's a comparison between quality not intensity. Secondly, Star Trek 1 is orders of magnitude worse that Star Trek 5.
Raj: Are you joking? Star Trek 5 is the standard against which all badness is measured.
Sheldon: No. No. Star Trek 5 has specific failures in writing and direction while Star Trek 1 fails across the board. Art direction., costuming, music, sound editing.
Leonard: Look, can we just forget I said Def Con and go?
Raj: Star Trek 5!
***
Leonard: What's the emergency?
Howard: I got the Mars rover stuck in the ditch.
Sheldon: Where?
Howard: On a dusty highway just outside Bakersfield... Where do you think? On Mars!
***
Howard: No. There were three other guys with eye-patches. It was a complete fiasco. What did work was " How do you like to visit a secret government facility".
Sheldon: What exactly do you want us to do?
Howard: I need you and Raj to help me get the rover out of the ditch and I need you to get Stephanie out before somebody notices she's here. She doesn't exactly have clearance.
Sheldon: Really? They don't let strange women from honky tonks come in to play with 200 million dollar government projects on distant planets?
Howard: Yes, I was bad. Maybe she'll spank me. Can we please move on?
***
Stephanie: So, are a scientist like Howard?
Leonard: No one's a scientist like Howard.
***
Howard: My mother is so gonna love her.
Sheldon: Oh, how nice. Maybe they can car pool when they visit you in federal prison.
***
Howard: Anything?
Raj: Actually I was just checking my email. But, uh, nope. The rover is not responding.
Sheldon: I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a native American water vessel without any means of propulsion.
Howard: Hang on. There's gotta be other options.
Raj: You can try calling triple A. But based on NASA's latest timetable, they won't get there for 35 years.
Sheldon: Of course, I understand you have to be standing next to the vehicle with your card when they arrive.
Raj: Oh, snap!
Sheldon: Snap what?
***
Leonard: If anyone asks you where I went, you don't know.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Leonard: I can't tell you that.
Sheldon: Well, who would ask me?
Leonard: I can't tell you that either.
Sheldon: So you brought me in here to inform me that you can't tell me where you're going and you can't tell me who might ask?
Leonard: Yeah... I really didn't think this through.
***
Leonard: So how was work today?
Stephanie: Busy. I removed an appendix, a gall bladder and about a foot and a half of bowel.
Leonard: I'm hoping that was three different guys.
Stephanie: No. Just the one. He didn't make it.
***
Stephanie: So how was your day?
Leonard: You know I'm a physicist so I thought about stuff.
Stephanie: That's it?
Leonard: Uh, I wrote some of it down.
***
Penny: New shirt?
Leonard: Oh yeah. A couple.
Penny: Nice!
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: So, who's the girl?
Leonard: I'm sorry?
Penny: Well, last time you bought a new shirt was when we were dating.
***
Penny: So, who is she?
Leonard: Oh she's a doctor.
Penny: Oh, nice! A doctor doctor or a you kind of doctor?
Leonard: Doctor doctor. Surgical resident.
***
Leonard: Let me ask you something. If your friend thinks he's dating someone but he's not because in fact you're dating her, does that make you a bad person?
Penny: Well that depends.
Leonard: On what?
Penny: Is the friend Wolowitz?
Leonard: Yeah...
Penny: Screw him. You're fine.
Leonard: Are you sure?
Penny: Well, have you slept with her yet?
Leonard: ...
Penny: You dog! Good for you!
Leonard: Does that change things?
Penny: No.
Leonard: So why'd you ask?
Penny: I'm just nosy. See you!
***
Leonard: Howard?
Howard: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Howard is employing a schoolyard paradigm in which you are, for all intents and purposes, deceased. He intents to act on this by not speaking to you, feigning an inability to hear you when you speak, and otherwise refusing to acknowledge your existence.
***
Leonard: Howard, come on! I didn't plan on this. This things just happen. Usually not to ME, but they do happen.
Howard: Did someone just fell a cold breeze?
Sheldon: I believe this is an extension of the death metaphor, the cold breeze is a so called ectoplasmic issue of a disembodied soul passing by.
Raj: You know, screw it. I'm just gonna it the dumpling!
***
Stephanie: Is this bad time?
Leonard: Yeah, but I don't see a better one on the horizon so...
Howard: Oh, if it isn't Mrs.-Dead-to-me.
Stephanie: Hello Howard.
Howard: Sheldon...
Sheldon: I'm sorry. You violated the terms of you metaphor by acknowledging her existence. I'm out.
Sheldon, Raj: Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock!
***
Howard: I got a whole list of them. Who wants to be my wing man?
Leonard: You're not gonna need a wing man. You're gonna need a paramedic.
***
Leonard: Howard's at the Mars Rover Lab. He says he's in trouble. Def Con 5.
Sheldon: Def Con 5? Well, there's no need to rush.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Def Con 5 means no danger. Def Con 1 is a crisis.
Leonard: How come 5 not be worse than 1?
Raj: Yeah, Star Trek 5, worse than 1!
Sheldon: Hey, first of all that's a comparison between quality not intensity. Secondly, Star Trek 1 is orders of magnitude worse that Star Trek 5.
Raj: Are you joking? Star Trek 5 is the standard against which all badness is measured.
Sheldon: No. No. Star Trek 5 has specific failures in writing and direction while Star Trek 1 fails across the board. Art direction., costuming, music, sound editing.
Leonard: Look, can we just forget I said Def Con and go?
Raj: Star Trek 5!
***
Leonard: What's the emergency?
Howard: I got the Mars rover stuck in the ditch.
Sheldon: Where?
Howard: On a dusty highway just outside Bakersfield... Where do you think? On Mars!
***
Howard: No. There were three other guys with eye-patches. It was a complete fiasco. What did work was " How do you like to visit a secret government facility".
Sheldon: What exactly do you want us to do?
Howard: I need you and Raj to help me get the rover out of the ditch and I need you to get Stephanie out before somebody notices she's here. She doesn't exactly have clearance.
Sheldon: Really? They don't let strange women from honky tonks come in to play with 200 million dollar government projects on distant planets?
Howard: Yes, I was bad. Maybe she'll spank me. Can we please move on?
***
Stephanie: So, are a scientist like Howard?
Leonard: No one's a scientist like Howard.
***
Howard: My mother is so gonna love her.
Sheldon: Oh, how nice. Maybe they can car pool when they visit you in federal prison.
***
Howard: Anything?
Raj: Actually I was just checking my email. But, uh, nope. The rover is not responding.
Sheldon: I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a native American water vessel without any means of propulsion.
Howard: Hang on. There's gotta be other options.
Raj: You can try calling triple A. But based on NASA's latest timetable, they won't get there for 35 years.
Sheldon: Of course, I understand you have to be standing next to the vehicle with your card when they arrive.
Raj: Oh, snap!
Sheldon: Snap what?
***
Leonard: If anyone asks you where I went, you don't know.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Leonard: I can't tell you that.
Sheldon: Well, who would ask me?
Leonard: I can't tell you that either.
Sheldon: So you brought me in here to inform me that you can't tell me where you're going and you can't tell me who might ask?
Leonard: Yeah... I really didn't think this through.
***
Leonard: So how was work today?
Stephanie: Busy. I removed an appendix, a gall bladder and about a foot and a half of bowel.
Leonard: I'm hoping that was three different guys.
Stephanie: No. Just the one. He didn't make it.
***
Stephanie: So how was your day?
Leonard: You know I'm a physicist so I thought about stuff.
Stephanie: That's it?
Leonard: Uh, I wrote some of it down.
***
Penny: New shirt?
Leonard: Oh yeah. A couple.
Penny: Nice!
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: So, who's the girl?
Leonard: I'm sorry?
Penny: Well, last time you bought a new shirt was when we were dating.
***
Penny: So, who is she?
Leonard: Oh she's a doctor.
Penny: Oh, nice! A doctor doctor or a you kind of doctor?
Leonard: Doctor doctor. Surgical resident.
***
Leonard: Let me ask you something. If your friend thinks he's dating someone but he's not because in fact you're dating her, does that make you a bad person?
Penny: Well that depends.
Leonard: On what?
Penny: Is the friend Wolowitz?
Leonard: Yeah...
Penny: Screw him. You're fine.
Leonard: Are you sure?
Penny: Well, have you slept with her yet?
Leonard: ...
Penny: You dog! Good for you!
Leonard: Does that change things?
Penny: No.
Leonard: So why'd you ask?
Penny: I'm just nosy. See you!
***
Leonard: Howard?
Howard: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Howard is employing a schoolyard paradigm in which you are, for all intents and purposes, deceased. He intents to act on this by not speaking to you, feigning an inability to hear you when you speak, and otherwise refusing to acknowledge your existence.
***
Leonard: Howard, come on! I didn't plan on this. This things just happen. Usually not to ME, but they do happen.
Howard: Did someone just fell a cold breeze?
Sheldon: I believe this is an extension of the death metaphor, the cold breeze is a so called ectoplasmic issue of a disembodied soul passing by.
Raj: You know, screw it. I'm just gonna it the dumpling!
***
Stephanie: Is this bad time?
Leonard: Yeah, but I don't see a better one on the horizon so...
Howard: Oh, if it isn't Mrs.-Dead-to-me.
Stephanie: Hello Howard.
Howard: Sheldon...
Sheldon: I'm sorry. You violated the terms of you metaphor by acknowledging her existence. I'm out.
Nice
"I'm sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm the click on an empty chamber when it's your turn at Russian Roullette" - Hugh Laurie
Thursday, November 13, 2008
TBBT Se 02: The Panty Piñata Polarization
Episode 7
Sheldon: Excuse me Penny, but we're...
Leonard: No, no, don't tell her.
Sheldon: playing Klingon Boggle.
Leonard: Aw...
Howard: What do you mean aw? Like she didn't know we were nerds?
***
Howard: Oh, look, there's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No wait, that's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. With her head in the lap of... Oh, what a coincidence. It's the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
Leonard: Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother. The current Mrs. Wolowitz.
***
Leonard: Why?
Howard: Isn't it obvious? Every week they kick out a beautiful girl, making her feel unwanted and without self-esteem. A.k.a. the future Mrs. Howard Wolowitz.
***
Leonard: You can recognize people on Google Earth?
Howard: Of course not. I got a buddy of mine at NORAD to have a spy drone fly over.
Leonard: NORAD? You're using military aircraft?
Howard: It was already targeted to poke around a nuclear reactor in Siberia. I took it an hour out of its way, tops.
***
Penny: No, no, no. It is on. I'm gonna introduce your friend to a world of hurt.
Leonard: Oh, Penny, you don't want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy is one lab accident away from being a super villain.
***
Leonard: Okay, for the record, what you guys are doing is really creepy.
Howard: You know what? If it's "creepy" to use the internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so that I can drop in on them unexpectedly, then fine, I'm creepy.
Sheldon: Excuse me Penny, but we're...
Leonard: No, no, don't tell her.
Sheldon: playing Klingon Boggle.
Leonard: Aw...
Howard: What do you mean aw? Like she didn't know we were nerds?
***
Howard: Oh, look, there's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No wait, that's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. With her head in the lap of... Oh, what a coincidence. It's the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
Leonard: Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother. The current Mrs. Wolowitz.
***
Leonard: Why?
Howard: Isn't it obvious? Every week they kick out a beautiful girl, making her feel unwanted and without self-esteem. A.k.a. the future Mrs. Howard Wolowitz.
***
Leonard: You can recognize people on Google Earth?
Howard: Of course not. I got a buddy of mine at NORAD to have a spy drone fly over.
Leonard: NORAD? You're using military aircraft?
Howard: It was already targeted to poke around a nuclear reactor in Siberia. I took it an hour out of its way, tops.
***
Penny: No, no, no. It is on. I'm gonna introduce your friend to a world of hurt.
Leonard: Oh, Penny, you don't want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy is one lab accident away from being a super villain.
***
Leonard: Okay, for the record, what you guys are doing is really creepy.
Howard: You know what? If it's "creepy" to use the internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so that I can drop in on them unexpectedly, then fine, I'm creepy.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
TBBT Se 02: The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem
Episode 6
Leonard: Sheldon, we both agreed to do this.
Sheldon: It's a waste of time. I might as well explain the laws of thermodynamics to a bunch of labradoodles.
Leonard: If you don't do this, I won't take you to the comic book store.
***
Sheldon: Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I too was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14. And I already achieved what most of you could ever hope to, despite my nine o'clock bed time.
***
Sheldon: In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make a significant contribution to physics played a cruel trick on you. A cruel trick indeed. Any questions? Of course not. I weep for the future of science. Now, if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of Batman is out.
***
Raj: Isn't there a university policy against dating graduate students?
Leonard: No. If you can talk to them, you can ask them out.
Raj: Damn! There's always a catch.
***
Sheldon: But why should I cater to second-rate minds?
Leslie: Because first-rate minds call you dumb-ass?
Sheldon: Oh yeah? Wh... you're a mean person.
***
Ramona: Dr. Cooper, I've read everything you've published. I especially liked you paper on grand unification using string theory condensates and was wondering how you determined that three-dimensional string that's provided a unified picture of fermions and gauge bosons.
Sheldon: Amazing! An intelligent labradoodle.
***
Leonard: Sheldon lives in fear of the three-tined fork.
Sheldon: Three tines is not a fork. Three tines is a trident. Forks are for eating, tridents are for ruling the Seven Seas.
***
Penny: Are you here to see Leonard?
Ramona: No, Dr. Cooper.
Penny: Dr. Sheldon Cooper?
Ramona: We're having dinner.
Penny: Sheldon Cooper!? Tall, thin, looks a little like a giant praying mantis?
Ramona: He is cute, isn't he?
Penny: Sheldon Cooper?
***
Leonard: Sheldon, you girl, date, person... Ramona's here!
***
Ramona: Sorry, I didn't bring enough for your friends. I assumed we were going to be alone.
Leonard: Oh, yeah. We were just going...
Howard: ... to watch right?
Leonard: Oh come on now, we're going out!
Penny: Oh come on, we'll be quiet...
***
Penny: What's Sheldon's deal?
Leonard: What do you mean 'deal'?
Penny: Oh you know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls, guys, sock puppets?
Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that Sheldon has no deal.
Penny: Oh, come on. Everybody has a deal.
Howard: Not Sheldon. Over the years we formulated many theories about how he might reproduce. I'm an advocate of mitosis.
Penny: I'm sorry?
Howard: I believe, one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons.
Leonard: On the other hand, I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species and someday he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moth wings and an exoskeleton.
***
Sheldon: I need your help.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: I'm invoking the Sky-net clause of our friendship agreement.
Leonard: That only applies if you need me to help you destroy an artificial intelligence that you created that's taking over the earth.
Sheldon: Come on! Don't nitpick!
Leonard: Good night!
Sheldon: Alright! I'm invoking our body snatchers clause.
Leonard: The body snatchers clause requires me to help you kill someone we know who's been replaced with an alien pod.
Sheldon: Yes, she's in the living room. Go! I'll wait here.
Leonard: Sheldon, we both agreed to do this.
Sheldon: It's a waste of time. I might as well explain the laws of thermodynamics to a bunch of labradoodles.
Leonard: If you don't do this, I won't take you to the comic book store.
***
Sheldon: Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I too was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14. And I already achieved what most of you could ever hope to, despite my nine o'clock bed time.
***
Sheldon: In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make a significant contribution to physics played a cruel trick on you. A cruel trick indeed. Any questions? Of course not. I weep for the future of science. Now, if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of Batman is out.
***
Raj: Isn't there a university policy against dating graduate students?
Leonard: No. If you can talk to them, you can ask them out.
Raj: Damn! There's always a catch.
***
Sheldon: But why should I cater to second-rate minds?
Leslie: Because first-rate minds call you dumb-ass?
Sheldon: Oh yeah? Wh... you're a mean person.
***
Ramona: Dr. Cooper, I've read everything you've published. I especially liked you paper on grand unification using string theory condensates and was wondering how you determined that three-dimensional string that's provided a unified picture of fermions and gauge bosons.
Sheldon: Amazing! An intelligent labradoodle.
***
Leonard: Sheldon lives in fear of the three-tined fork.
Sheldon: Three tines is not a fork. Three tines is a trident. Forks are for eating, tridents are for ruling the Seven Seas.
***
Penny: Are you here to see Leonard?
Ramona: No, Dr. Cooper.
Penny: Dr. Sheldon Cooper?
Ramona: We're having dinner.
Penny: Sheldon Cooper!? Tall, thin, looks a little like a giant praying mantis?
Ramona: He is cute, isn't he?
Penny: Sheldon Cooper?
***
Leonard: Sheldon, you girl, date, person... Ramona's here!
***
Ramona: Sorry, I didn't bring enough for your friends. I assumed we were going to be alone.
Leonard: Oh, yeah. We were just going...
Howard: ... to watch right?
Leonard: Oh come on now, we're going out!
Penny: Oh come on, we'll be quiet...
***
Penny: What's Sheldon's deal?
Leonard: What do you mean 'deal'?
Penny: Oh you know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls, guys, sock puppets?
Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that Sheldon has no deal.
Penny: Oh, come on. Everybody has a deal.
Howard: Not Sheldon. Over the years we formulated many theories about how he might reproduce. I'm an advocate of mitosis.
Penny: I'm sorry?
Howard: I believe, one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons.
Leonard: On the other hand, I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species and someday he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moth wings and an exoskeleton.
***
Sheldon: I need your help.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: I'm invoking the Sky-net clause of our friendship agreement.
Leonard: That only applies if you need me to help you destroy an artificial intelligence that you created that's taking over the earth.
Sheldon: Come on! Don't nitpick!
Leonard: Good night!
Sheldon: Alright! I'm invoking our body snatchers clause.
Leonard: The body snatchers clause requires me to help you kill someone we know who's been replaced with an alien pod.
Sheldon: Yes, she's in the living room. Go! I'll wait here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.JPG)