TBBT Se 02: The Lizard-Spock Expansion

Episode 8

Sheldon, Raj: Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock!

***
Howard: I got a whole list of them. Who wants to be my wing man?
Leonard: You're not gonna need a wing man. You're gonna need a paramedic.

***
Leonard: Howard's at the Mars Rover Lab. He says he's in trouble. Def Con 5.
Sheldon: Def Con 5? Well, there's no need to rush.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Def Con 5 means no danger. Def Con 1 is a crisis.
Leonard: How come 5 not be worse than 1?
Raj: Yeah, Star Trek 5, worse than 1!
Sheldon: Hey, first of all that's a comparison between quality not intensity. Secondly, Star Trek 1 is orders of magnitude worse that Star Trek 5.
Raj: Are you joking? Star Trek 5 is the standard against which all badness is measured.
Sheldon: No. No. Star Trek 5 has specific failures in writing and direction while Star Trek 1 fails across the board. Art direction., costuming, music, sound editing.
Leonard: Look, can we just forget I said Def Con and go?
Raj: Star Trek 5!

***
Leonard: What's the emergency?
Howard: I got the Mars rover stuck in the ditch.
Sheldon: Where?
Howard: On a dusty highway just outside Bakersfield... Where do you think? On Mars!

***
Howard: No. There were three other guys with eye-patches. It was a complete fiasco. What did work was " How do you like to visit a secret government facility".
Sheldon: What exactly do you want us to do?
Howard: I need you and Raj to help me get the rover out of the ditch and I need you to get Stephanie out before somebody notices she's here. She doesn't exactly have clearance.
Sheldon: Really? They don't let strange women from honky tonks come in to play with 200 million dollar government projects on distant planets?
Howard: Yes, I was bad. Maybe she'll spank me. Can we please move on?

***
Stephanie: So, are a scientist like Howard?
Leonard: No one's a scientist like Howard.

***
Howard: My mother is so gonna love her.
Sheldon: Oh, how nice. Maybe they can car pool when they visit you in federal prison.

***
Howard: Anything?
Raj: Actually I was just checking my email. But, uh, nope. The rover is not responding.
Sheldon: I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a native American water vessel without any means of propulsion.
Howard: Hang on. There's gotta be other options.
Raj: You can try calling triple A. But based on NASA's latest timetable, they won't get there for 35 years.
Sheldon: Of course, I understand you have to be standing next to the vehicle with your card when they arrive.
Raj: Oh, snap!
Sheldon: Snap what?

***
Leonard: If anyone asks you where I went, you don't know.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Leonard: I can't tell you that.
Sheldon: Well, who would ask me?
Leonard: I can't tell you that either.
Sheldon: So you brought me in here to inform me that you can't tell me where you're going and you can't tell me who might ask?
Leonard: Yeah... I really didn't think this through.

***
Leonard: So how was work today?
Stephanie: Busy. I removed an appendix, a gall bladder and about a foot and a half of bowel.
Leonard: I'm hoping that was three different guys.
Stephanie: No. Just the one. He didn't make it.

***
Stephanie: So how was your day?
Leonard: You know I'm a physicist so I thought about stuff.
Stephanie: That's it?
Leonard: Uh, I wrote some of it down.

***
Penny: New shirt?
Leonard: Oh yeah. A couple.
Penny: Nice!
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: So, who's the girl?
Leonard: I'm sorry?
Penny: Well, last time you bought a new shirt was when we were dating.

***
Penny: So, who is she?
Leonard: Oh she's a doctor.
Penny: Oh, nice! A doctor doctor or a you kind of doctor?
Leonard: Doctor doctor. Surgical resident.

***
Leonard: Let me ask you something. If your friend thinks he's dating someone but he's not because in fact you're dating her, does that make you a bad person?
Penny: Well that depends.
Leonard: On what?
Penny: Is the friend Wolowitz?
Leonard: Yeah...
Penny: Screw him. You're fine.
Leonard: Are you sure?
Penny: Well, have you slept with her yet?
Leonard: ...
Penny: You dog! Good for you!
Leonard: Does that change things?
Penny: No.
Leonard: So why'd you ask?
Penny: I'm just nosy. See you!

***
Leonard: Howard?
Howard: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Howard is employing a schoolyard paradigm in which you are, for all intents and purposes, deceased. He intents to act on this by not speaking to you, feigning an inability to hear you when you speak, and otherwise refusing to acknowledge your existence.

***
Leonard: Howard, come on! I didn't plan on this. This things just happen. Usually not to ME, but they do happen.
Howard: Did someone just fell a cold breeze?
Sheldon: I believe this is an extension of the death metaphor, the cold breeze is a so called ectoplasmic issue of a disembodied soul passing by.
Raj: You know, screw it. I'm just gonna it the dumpling!

***
Stephanie: Is this bad time?
Leonard: Yeah, but I don't see a better one on the horizon so...
Howard: Oh, if it isn't Mrs.-Dead-to-me.
Stephanie: Hello Howard.
Howard: Sheldon...
Sheldon: I'm sorry. You violated the terms of you metaphor by acknowledging her existence. I'm out.