Monday, December 29, 2008

TBBT Se 02: The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis

Episode 11
(Aired 12/15/2008)

Sheldon: Your argument is lacking in all scientific merit. It is well established Superman cleans his uniform by flying into Earth's yellow sun, which incinerates any contaminate matter and leaves the invulnerable Kryptonian fabric unharmed and daisy fresh.
Howard: What if he gets something Kryptonian on it?
Sheldon: Like what?
Howard: I don't know, Kryptonian mustard.
Sheldon: I think we can safely assume that all Kryptonian condiments were destroyed when the planet Krypton exploded.
Raj: Or it turned into mustard Kryptonite, the only way to destroy a rogue Kryptonian hotdog threatening Earth.
Leonard: Raj, please let's stay serious here. Superman's body is Kryptonian, therefore his sweat is Kryptonian.
Howard: Yeah, what about Kryptonian pit stains?
Sheldon: Superman doesn't sweat on Earth.
Howard: Okay, he's invited for dinner in the Bottle City of Kandor. he miniaturizes himself, enters the city where he loses his superpowers. Now, before dinner his host says, "Who's up for a little Kryptonian tetherball?" Superman says, "Sure.", works up a sweat, comes back to Earth, his uniform now stained with indestructible Kryptonian perspiration
Raj: Boo ya.
Sheldon: Superman would have taken his uniform to a Kandorian dry cleaner before he left the Bottle.
Raj: Kandorian dry cl... I give up, you can't have a rational argument with this man.

***
Raj: He's a very handsome man.
Howard: Doesn't do a thing for me. If I was gonna go that way, I'm more of a Zac Ephron kinda guy.
Raj: Oh, yeah, like you have a shot with Zac Ephron.

***
Penny: Okay, well, thank you for that, but I got you and Leonard a few silly neighbor gifts, so I'll just put them under my tree.
Sheldon: Wait! You bought me a present? Why would you do such a thing?
Penny: I don't know. 'Cause it's Christmas?
Sheldon: Oh, Penny. I know you think you're being generous, but the foundation of gift-giving is reciprocity. You haven't given me a gift. You've given me an obligation.
Howard: Don't feel bad, Penny, it's a classic rookie mistake. My first Hanukkah with Sheldon, he yelled at me for eight nights.
Penny: Now, hey, it's okay.You don't have to get me anything in return.
Sheldon: Of course I do. The essence of the custom is that I now have to go out and purchase for you a gift of commensurate value and representing the same perceived level of friendship as that represented by the gift you've given me. It's no wonder suicide rates skyrocket this time of year.
Penny: Okay, you know what? Forget it. I'm not giving you a present.
Sheldon: No, it's too late. I see it. That elf sticker says, "To Sheldon." The die has been cast. The moving finger has writ, Hannibal has crossed the Alps.

***
Sheldon: I don't see anything in here a woman would want.
Howard: You're kidding. You've got lotions and bath oils and soaps. That's the estrogen hat trick.
Sheldon: What it is is a cacophonous assault of eucalyptus, bayberry, cinnamon and vanilla. It's as if my head were trapped in the pajamas of a sultan.
Raj: Sheldon, if you don't like this stuff, let's just go next door and build her a bear.
Sheldon: I told you before, bears are terrifying.
Howard: Come on, bath stuff. It's perfect! You got a scented candle, a cleansing buff, spearmint and green tea scented bath oil, promotes relaxation.
Sheldon: That presupposes Penny is tense.
Raj: She knows you. She's tense.
We all are. Buy a basket!

***
Sheldon: Let's say for a moment that I accept the bath item gift hypothesis, I now lay the following conundrum at your feet: Which size?
Howard: This one. Let's go.
Sheldon: You put no thought into that.

***
Sheldon: Mmm, great news, Leonard. I've solved my Penny gift dilemma.
Leonard: Yippee.
Sheldon: You see, the danger was that I might under or over-reciprocate, but I have devised a foolproof plan. See, I will open her gift to me first and then excuse myself, feigning digestive distress. Then I'll look up the price of her gift online, choose the basket closest to that value, give it to her and then I'll return the others for a full refund.
Leonard: Brilliant.
Sheldon: It is, isn't it?

***
Sheldon: Ah, good, Penny, you're here to exchange gifts. You'll be pleased to know I'm prepared for whatever you have to offer.
Penny: Okay, here.
Sheldon: I should note I'm having some digestive distress, so, if I excuse myself abruptly, don't be alarmed. Oh, a napkin.
Penny: Turn it over.
Sheldon: "To Sheldon, live long and prosper. Leonard Nimoy."
Penny: Yeah, he came into the restaurant. Sorry the napkin's dirty. He wiped his mouth with it.
Sheldon: I possess the DNA of Leonard Nimoy?
Penny: Well... Yeah, yeah. I guess. But look, he signed it.
Sheldon: Do you realize what this means? All I need is a healthy ovum and I can grow my own Leonard Nimoy!

Monday, December 15, 2008

TBBT Se 02: The Vartabedian Conundrum

Episode 10
(Aired 12/08/2008)

Sheldon: We'll you're the doctor, but I am constantly hearing this annoying an sound
Leonard: Me, too.
Sheldon: Is it a high frequency whistle?
Leonard: No, it's more of a relentless narcissistic drone.

***
Leonard: Do you understand that Stephanie's not here to treat your imaginary ailments?
Sheldon: How is it imaginary that I keep hearing an octave above Middle C?

***
Sheldon: You initialed it. See? L.H., L.H., L.H..
Leonard: Wait, I only initialed it because I never thought it would happen. I also initialed another clause naming you my sidekick in case I get superpowers.
Sheldon: Hmm, yes, you did.

***
Stephanie: Hi Sheldon.
Sheldon: Good morning, Dr. Stephanie. I trust Leonard satisfied you sexually last night?
Leonard: Oh good god! Sheldon we don't ask questions like that.
Sheldon: I heard you ask it over and over. How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
Stephanie: He did very nicely.
Sheldon: See? She's not offended. And now you finally have an answer.

***
Stephanie: I haven't heard a thing about you. Leonard? Why haven't I heard a thing about this woman who lives across the hall and comes into your apartment in the morning... in her underwear?
Leonard: She's heard about you because we're, you know, involved and and you haven't heard about her because... I never slept with her, I swear!
Sheldon: In Leonard's defense, it wasn't for lack of trying.
Leonard: Thank you Sheldon.

***
Leonard: Look, I'm just saying, um... Penny is one of our many neighbors, you know, and in our building, come and go, it's very casual, no dress code. In fact, some mornings I'll just mosey down to the third floor in my pajamas and have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
Sheldon: Really? I have never once been invited to have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
Leonard: She doesn't like you.

***
Leonard: Where's my bat signal?
Penny: You have a bat signal?
Leonard: I did. It was right here. She must've-- Oh my god, we're living together!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

TBBT Se 02: The White Asparagus Triangulation

Episode 9

Sheldon: You're aware that Leonard has entered into a new romantic relationship which includes a sexual component?
Penny: Okay, feeling the awkward now.
Sheldon: Her name is Dr. Stephanie Barnett and she is a highly distinguished surgical resident at Fremont Memorial.
Penny: Yeah, Leonard told me.
Sheldon: Good. What he may have left out is how important this relationship is to me.
Penny: To you?
Sheldon: Yes, see, of the handful of women Leonard's been involved with, she's the only I have ever found tolerable.
Penny: Well, what about me?
Sheldon: The statement stands for itself.

***
Penny: Really?
Sheldon: Yes. Now, should that happen, I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.
Penny: I could think about you.
Sheldon: Fine, whatever works.
Penny: Always nice talking to you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Uh, peace out!

***
Sheldon: Have you ever witnessed a violent crime?
Stephanie: No.
Sheldon: Good. What's your favorite fruit?
Stephanie: Uh, strawberries.
Sheldon: Hmm, technically not a fruit, but all right.

***
Stephanie: Uh, Lawrence Memorial in Galveston Texas.
Sheldon: Really? That's where I was born.
Stephanie: You're kidding!
Sheldon: I spent so much of my childhood at that hospital. When I was 12, I got to ride there in a helicopter.
Stephanie: What? W-w-what happened?
Sheldon: Radiation burns. A little mishap while I was building my own cat scanner.
Stephanie: I'm sorry, you tried to build your own cat scanner?
Sheldon: No, I didn't try, I succeeded. In fact, I was briefly able to see the inside of my sister's guinea pig, Snowball, before he caught fire. It led to an interesting expression "not a snowball's chance in a cat scanner."

***
Sheldon: Look, if you fail this relationship, and history suggests you will, then we risk losing the medical officer that our landing party has always needed.
Leonard: What landing party?
Sheldon: You're Kirk, I'm Spock, Wolowitz is Scotty, Koothrappali is the guy who always gets killed... and now we've got McCoy.

***
Sheldon: Leonard, Leonard, Leonard.
Lenard: What Sheldon?! What Sheldon? ! What Sheldon?!
Sheldon: Tell me what you see here.
Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?

***
Sheldon: Why does he get a digital sheep and not you?
Leonard: It's just her Facebook page and we've only been going out a couple of weeks.
Sheldon: You don't see it, do you? We're losing her.
Leonard: Okay, I'm going to make this very simple for you. You are not in this relationship. I am. Ergo, you have no say in anything that happens between me and Stephanie.
Sheldon: I'm afraid I can't allow that. Pursuant to Starfleet General Order 104, Section A, you are deemed unfit and I hereby relieve you of your command.
Leonard: General Order 104, Section A does not apply in this situation.
Sheldon: Give me one good reason why not.
Leonard: Because this is not Star Trek!

***
Sheldon: This is banana bread.
Penny: This is a door knob.
Sheldon: It's my understanding that an unsolicited gift of food can be a precursor to an impromptu invitation to come in and chat.
Penny: Sheldon, would you like to come in?
Sheldon: I suppose I could spare a few minutes.

***
Penny: Sheldon, what do you want?
Sheldon: I'm certain this will come as no surprise to you, but Leonard is failing in yet another relationship.
Penny: He's having problems with Stephanie?
Sheldon: She's sending virtual livestock to random men on the internet. If I have any hope of keeping them together, I need data.

***
Penny: Oh, okay, all right, you know what? I'll tell you what happened. We were young, we were very much in love, but we could only communicated through a time-traveling mailbox at my lake house.
Sheldon: It's not enough that you've made me watch that movie, but now you mock me with it?

***
Sheldon: Gentlemen, I have a question about dating and relationships.
Raj: You told me you're going to have the talk with him.
Howard: I've been waiting for someone to have the talk with me.
Sheldon: More to the point, it's about finding a way to keep Leonard and Stephanie together.
Howard: Oh, I don't think you can.
Sheldon: Well, why not?
Howard: Look at Leonard's record. 27 days with Joyce Kim.
Raj: During which she defected to North Korea.
Howard: Two booty calls with Leslie Winkle.
Raj: For which she awarded him the nickname "speed of light Leonard".
Howard: And a three hour dinner with Penny.
Raj: Which would have been two and half if they ordered that souffle when they sat down.
Howard: Based on the geometric progression, his relationship with Stephanie should have after 20 minutes.
Sheldon: Yes, I'm aware of the math. Y equals 27 days over 12 to the nth. The issue remains. How do we circumvent his inevitable rejection?
Raj: Well, if you want to guarantee his appeal to Stephanie, your best bet would be to kill all the other men on the planet.
Howard: I'll tell what you shouldn't do. Don't spritz him with that body spray from the commercial where the women undress when they smell it. That doesn't work at all. No matter how much you put on.
Sheldon: So that's all you've got. Apocalyptic genocide and "go easy on the cologne"?

***
Sheldon: Great. New topic. Where are you in your menstrual cycle?
Penny: What?
Sheldon: I've been doing some research only and apparently female primates, you know, uh, apes, chimpanzees, you. They find their mate more desirable when he's being courted by another female. Now, this effect is intensified when the rival female is secreting the pheromones associated with ovulation.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

The Universe: Mars The Red Planet

Season 1 Episode 2


"Yet as awe-inspiring as the Martian surface appears, it is a brutal, inhospitable zone for human beings." - Narrator

"It goes down to a hundred degrees below zero at night. Every night." - Steve Squyres, Mars Expedition Rover Mission

"...and what they find at the bottom of every Antartica lake bed is a testament to the stubborn tenacity of life. Mats of microbial organisms are thriving in frigid environments the receive virtually no sunlight" - Narrator

"Missions to the red planet are only feasible once every two years during a specific short window of time.

The launch must be timed so that the spacecraft and Mars arrive at a specific point in the planet's orbit at the same time.

The journey across the 34 million mile distance can take up to 7 months. And the trajectory must be perfect." - Narrator

"The accuracy required to go from Earth to Mars and to hit the spot you want to be at on Mars is equivalent to Shooting a basketball from Los Angeles to New York and have it go through without hitting the rim..." - Steve Squyres, Mars Expedition Rover Mission

"It is of course, all about the search for life.

When all is said and done, the engine driving all of the astonishing scientific effort to explore the red planet is the burning desire of humankind to know if life exists elsewhere in the vast reaches of space." - Narrator

"We find evidence for life on Mars and, we know there's life on Earth of course. Then, there's probably life all over the place. The universe is probably teeming with life. And if it didn't then, it makes us feel, I think a little bit more special." - ...

The Universe: Secrets of the Sun

Season 1 Episode 1


"Imagine that you're sitting in the movies watching very happily something going on on the screen and then somebody in a row in front of you comes across and blocks your view. In the movie theater you might not want that person to come across in front of you but at an eclipse, we're very lucky that the moon come across the sun and we're lucky to have come right across the middle." - Jay M. Pasachoff, Williams College

"We're also lucky that the moon, although it's 400 times smaller than the sun is also 400 times closer to us. This cosmic coincidence means that the two objects just happen to have the same apparent size in our sky, which allows the one to completely block out the other.

This magnificent cosmic event only happens when the path of the moon intersects the line between the earth and the sun. The moon's orbit is tilted slightly, about 5 degrees. If it wasn't we would have an eclipse every month ." - Narrator

"And then, we'll be bored. But we're not bored because most months the moon goes above or below the place where the line goes from the earth to the sun." - Jay M. Pasachoff, Williams College

"So instead of one every month, we get a total eclipse somewhere on earth about once every year and a half." - Narrator

TBBT Se 02: The Lizard-Spock Expansion

Episode 8

Sheldon, Raj: Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock!

***
Howard: I got a whole list of them. Who wants to be my wing man?
Leonard: You're not gonna need a wing man. You're gonna need a paramedic.

***
Leonard: Howard's at the Mars Rover Lab. He says he's in trouble. Def Con 5.
Sheldon: Def Con 5? Well, there's no need to rush.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Def Con 5 means no danger. Def Con 1 is a crisis.
Leonard: How come 5 not be worse than 1?
Raj: Yeah, Star Trek 5, worse than 1!
Sheldon: Hey, first of all that's a comparison between quality not intensity. Secondly, Star Trek 1 is orders of magnitude worse that Star Trek 5.
Raj: Are you joking? Star Trek 5 is the standard against which all badness is measured.
Sheldon: No. No. Star Trek 5 has specific failures in writing and direction while Star Trek 1 fails across the board. Art direction., costuming, music, sound editing.
Leonard: Look, can we just forget I said Def Con and go?
Raj: Star Trek 5!

***
Leonard: What's the emergency?
Howard: I got the Mars rover stuck in the ditch.
Sheldon: Where?
Howard: On a dusty highway just outside Bakersfield... Where do you think? On Mars!

***
Howard: No. There were three other guys with eye-patches. It was a complete fiasco. What did work was " How do you like to visit a secret government facility".
Sheldon: What exactly do you want us to do?
Howard: I need you and Raj to help me get the rover out of the ditch and I need you to get Stephanie out before somebody notices she's here. She doesn't exactly have clearance.
Sheldon: Really? They don't let strange women from honky tonks come in to play with 200 million dollar government projects on distant planets?
Howard: Yes, I was bad. Maybe she'll spank me. Can we please move on?

***
Stephanie: So, are a scientist like Howard?
Leonard: No one's a scientist like Howard.

***
Howard: My mother is so gonna love her.
Sheldon: Oh, how nice. Maybe they can car pool when they visit you in federal prison.

***
Howard: Anything?
Raj: Actually I was just checking my email. But, uh, nope. The rover is not responding.
Sheldon: I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a native American water vessel without any means of propulsion.
Howard: Hang on. There's gotta be other options.
Raj: You can try calling triple A. But based on NASA's latest timetable, they won't get there for 35 years.
Sheldon: Of course, I understand you have to be standing next to the vehicle with your card when they arrive.
Raj: Oh, snap!
Sheldon: Snap what?

***
Leonard: If anyone asks you where I went, you don't know.
Sheldon: Where are you going?
Leonard: I can't tell you that.
Sheldon: Well, who would ask me?
Leonard: I can't tell you that either.
Sheldon: So you brought me in here to inform me that you can't tell me where you're going and you can't tell me who might ask?
Leonard: Yeah... I really didn't think this through.

***
Leonard: So how was work today?
Stephanie: Busy. I removed an appendix, a gall bladder and about a foot and a half of bowel.
Leonard: I'm hoping that was three different guys.
Stephanie: No. Just the one. He didn't make it.

***
Stephanie: So how was your day?
Leonard: You know I'm a physicist so I thought about stuff.
Stephanie: That's it?
Leonard: Uh, I wrote some of it down.

***
Penny: New shirt?
Leonard: Oh yeah. A couple.
Penny: Nice!
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: So, who's the girl?
Leonard: I'm sorry?
Penny: Well, last time you bought a new shirt was when we were dating.

***
Penny: So, who is she?
Leonard: Oh she's a doctor.
Penny: Oh, nice! A doctor doctor or a you kind of doctor?
Leonard: Doctor doctor. Surgical resident.

***
Leonard: Let me ask you something. If your friend thinks he's dating someone but he's not because in fact you're dating her, does that make you a bad person?
Penny: Well that depends.
Leonard: On what?
Penny: Is the friend Wolowitz?
Leonard: Yeah...
Penny: Screw him. You're fine.
Leonard: Are you sure?
Penny: Well, have you slept with her yet?
Leonard: ...
Penny: You dog! Good for you!
Leonard: Does that change things?
Penny: No.
Leonard: So why'd you ask?
Penny: I'm just nosy. See you!

***
Leonard: Howard?
Howard: Sheldon...
Sheldon: Howard is employing a schoolyard paradigm in which you are, for all intents and purposes, deceased. He intents to act on this by not speaking to you, feigning an inability to hear you when you speak, and otherwise refusing to acknowledge your existence.

***
Leonard: Howard, come on! I didn't plan on this. This things just happen. Usually not to ME, but they do happen.
Howard: Did someone just fell a cold breeze?
Sheldon: I believe this is an extension of the death metaphor, the cold breeze is a so called ectoplasmic issue of a disembodied soul passing by.
Raj: You know, screw it. I'm just gonna it the dumpling!

***
Stephanie: Is this bad time?
Leonard: Yeah, but I don't see a better one on the horizon so...
Howard: Oh, if it isn't Mrs.-Dead-to-me.
Stephanie: Hello Howard.
Howard: Sheldon...
Sheldon: I'm sorry. You violated the terms of you metaphor by acknowledging her existence. I'm out.

Nice

"I'm sugar and spice and everything nice. I'm the click on an empty chamber when it's your turn at Russian Roullette" - Hugh Laurie

Thursday, November 13, 2008

TBBT Se 02: The Panty Piñata Polarization

Episode 7

Sheldon: Excuse me Penny, but we're...
Leonard: No, no, don't tell her.
Sheldon: playing Klingon Boggle.
Leonard: Aw...
Howard: What do you mean aw? Like she didn't know we were nerds?

***
Howard: Oh, look, there's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No wait, that's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. With her head in the lap of... Oh, what a coincidence. It's the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
Leonard: Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother. The current Mrs. Wolowitz.

***
Leonard: Why?
Howard: Isn't it obvious? Every week they kick out a beautiful girl, making her feel unwanted and without self-esteem. A.k.a. the future Mrs. Howard Wolowitz.

***
Leonard: You can recognize people on Google Earth?
Howard: Of course not. I got a buddy of mine at NORAD to have a spy drone fly over.
Leonard: NORAD? You're using military aircraft?
Howard: It was already targeted to poke around a nuclear reactor in Siberia. I took it an hour out of its way, tops.

***
Penny: No, no, no. It is on. I'm gonna introduce your friend to a world of hurt.
Leonard: Oh, Penny, you don't want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy is one lab accident away from being a super villain.

***
Leonard: Okay, for the record, what you guys are doing is really creepy.
Howard: You know what? If it's "creepy" to use the internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so that I can drop in on them unexpectedly, then fine, I'm creepy.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

TBBT Se 02: The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem

Episode 6

Leonard: Sheldon, we both agreed to do this.
Sheldon: It's a waste of time. I might as well explain the laws of thermodynamics to a bunch of labradoodles.
Leonard: If you don't do this, I won't take you to the comic book store.

***
Sheldon: Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I too was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14. And I already achieved what most of you could ever hope to, despite my nine o'clock bed time.

***
Sheldon: In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make a significant contribution to physics played a cruel trick on you. A cruel trick indeed. Any questions? Of course not. I weep for the future of science. Now, if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of Batman is out.

***
Raj: Isn't there a university policy against dating graduate students?
Leonard: No. If you can talk to them, you can ask them out.
Raj: Damn! There's always a catch.

***
Sheldon: But why should I cater to second-rate minds?
Leslie: Because first-rate minds call you dumb-ass?
Sheldon: Oh yeah? Wh... you're a mean person.

***
Ramona: Dr. Cooper, I've read everything you've published. I especially liked you paper on grand unification using string theory condensates and was wondering how you determined that three-dimensional string that's provided a unified picture of fermions and gauge bosons.
Sheldon: Amazing! An intelligent labradoodle.

***
Leonard: Sheldon lives in fear of the three-tined fork.
Sheldon: Three tines is not a fork. Three tines is a trident. Forks are for eating, tridents are for ruling the Seven Seas.

***
Penny: Are you here to see Leonard?
Ramona: No, Dr. Cooper.
Penny: Dr. Sheldon Cooper?
Ramona: We're having dinner.
Penny: Sheldon Cooper!? Tall, thin, looks a little like a giant praying mantis?
Ramona: He is cute, isn't he?
Penny: Sheldon Cooper?

***
Leonard: Sheldon, you girl, date, person... Ramona's here!

***
Ramona: Sorry, I didn't bring enough for your friends. I assumed we were going to be alone.
Leonard: Oh, yeah. We were just going...
Howard: ... to watch right?
Leonard: Oh come on now, we're going out!
Penny: Oh come on, we'll be quiet...

***
Penny: What's Sheldon's deal?
Leonard: What do you mean 'deal'?
Penny: Oh you know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls, guys, sock puppets?
Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that Sheldon has no deal.
Penny: Oh, come on. Everybody has a deal.
Howard: Not Sheldon. Over the years we formulated many theories about how he might reproduce. I'm an advocate of mitosis.
Penny: I'm sorry?
Howard: I believe, one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons.
Leonard: On the other hand, I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species and someday he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moth wings and an exoskeleton.

***
Sheldon: I need your help.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: I'm invoking the Sky-net clause of our friendship agreement.
Leonard: That only applies if you need me to help you destroy an artificial intelligence that you created that's taking over the earth.
Sheldon: Come on! Don't nitpick!
Leonard: Good night!
Sheldon: Alright! I'm invoking our body snatchers clause.
Leonard: The body snatchers clause requires me to help you kill someone we know who's been replaced with an alien pod.
Sheldon: Yes, she's in the living room. Go! I'll wait here.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Lost in Translation

Early this morning while sharing breakfast of tuna sandwiches, we started wondering what the word "clue" is in Filipino. Many have wondered, many have tried to translate... ano nga ba ang Tagalog sa "clue"?

Check out Google translate. The site now has Filipino included in the list of languages available. Here's the translation of the word "clue" - "Bakas". Oo "bakas", hindi ka namalikmata. "Bakas" talaga 'yung translation na binibigay nya.

Eto pa: "Give me a clue.", sabi ng Google, "Bigyan mo ako ng isang tanda. " Ano daw? Ang weird pa, if you try to translate the said sentence back to English, it will be "Give me a note.". 'di ba dapat, "Give me a sign."? Tapos, pag isinalin mo uli sa Filipino ang "Give me a note", ang translation ay " Bigyan mo ako ng isang nota".

Here's a funny one - Filipino translation of "without a clue" is "walang bakas"! Huh?

What do you know? Things really get lost in translation!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

TBBT Se 02: The Euclid Alternative

Episode 5

Sheldon: I don't like the way Darth Vader stares at me.

***
Leonard: I'm not going to work.
Sheldon: Oh, just because your career's been stagnant for a few years that's no reason to give up.

***
Sheldon: I can't take the bus anymore. They don't have seat belts and they won't let you lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords.
Leonard: You tried to lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords?
Sheldon: I didn't try, I succeeded. For some reason it alarmed the other passengers and I was asked to de-bus.

***
Sheldon: Thank you for driving me to work.
Penny: You know this is my day off, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Oh, good. I'm not keeping you from anything.

***
Raj: Why did Howard leave you in the middle of the road anyway?
Sheldon: We had a difference of opinion.
Raj: Over what?
Sheldon: Whether or not he was trying to kill me? For the record I maintain he was.

***
Leonard: So, wait, you're just gonna give up?
Sheldon: No, I'm not giving up. I never give up.
Leonard: So, what is it you're doing?
Sheldon: I'm transcending the situation. I'm clearly too evolved for driving.
Leonard: What does that mean?

***
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm meant for greater things, like unraveling the mysteries of the universe. Not determining when it's safe to pass a stopped school bus on a country road.
Leonard: It's never safe.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

TianJin Trip: HaiHe River

After walking around the the shopping area near the the Xikai Cathedral, we took a cab to Dagu Bridge. According to reviews, the design of the bridge is called sun and moon arches (not sure why) and it has won the prestigious Eugene Fido Award.




We stayed at the banks of the HaiHe River until it's time to board our train. Liza's too tired to walk (and we've used all our energy looking for the Food Street earlier).

fishing

Facing the Dagu Bridge is the Liberation Bridge or Jiefang Qiao. This 80 year old bridge is a famous tourist attaction in Tianjin. It is also home to the Century Bell, which was constructed in order to ring in the new millennium.




Liberation Bridge at night


The bell is 40 meters in height and weighs more than 150 tons, making it the largest and heaviest bell so far recorded throughout China.

Century Bell or Millenium Clock

We went inside the train station once it has gotten dark because it's chilly outside. Then we're back to Beijing.

Tianjin Train Station

TianJin Trip: Xikai Cathedral

Our third stop in Tianjin is the Xikai Cathedral. We learned our lesson - we took a cab from the Food street to the Cathedral. No more walking. Just tell the driver to go to Xikai Jiaotang - they'll know where to go.

From chinatoday.com: Also known as the French Cathedral, this building is on Binjiang Road in Heping District. It is 45 meters tall and is both a cathedral, built in 1914 and a church, built three years later. It covers an area of 1,585 square meters. Xikai Cathedral is the largest church in Tianjin and has been recently refurbished.

in front of the cathedral







TianJin Trip: Shipin Jie (Food Street)

After walking what seems like ten miles, we finally found Shipin Jie. Why didn't we take a cab, you ask? The people I asked for directions said that the place is very near after pointing to the direction in which we should walk. (in Tagalog: dyan lang...) I should have known better to take their word for it. Their definition of near is nowhere near mine's.


at last...

two floors of restaurants and food shops

We checked out several restaurants before settling to the one near the stairs (on the second floor). Our main requirement is that it should have dumplings on the picture menu. The food's pretty cheap - we just paid 26 kuai each for several dishes and a big coke.

mushrooms - 16 kuai

bucket o' rice - 16 kuai

crispy chicken - 28 kuai

pork dumplings - 12 kuai (for 10 pieces)

There are other delicacies sold here some of which I saw for the first time. They also have bagoong alamang (definitely worth coming back for), and they have lots and lots of candies!


shrimps (?) with really big claws

gummy worms and chewy candies

really big Tianjin mahua

We didn't buy any mahua (fried dough twists) but people say that Tianjin is really famous for it.

TianJin Trip: Gulou Shopping Street

Our first stop is the Gulou Shopping Street. Actually we planned to go to Shipin Jie (Food Street), but we got lost and ended up here. At the train station, the guy at the customer service booth told us that the 634 bus passes by the Food street. I'm not sure if we rode past it or the bus took a wrong turn but we didn't see the stop. We should've taken a cab...


at the entrance


There are lot of shops selling clay figurines. Perfect souvenirs for those going home. For us-no-annual-leave-left-can't-go-home-yet people, it's window shopping only...

strip of shops

spot the difference

The place is like a smaller version of Panjiayuan in Beijing. The street also has furniture shops, jewelry shops and other goodies. They even have gummy worms!

wicker chairs

wood carvings

5 kuai hats

buggy ride

PAINT BRUSH!

swords

candies

Thursday, October 16, 2008

TBBT Se 02: The Griffin Equivalency

Episode 4

Penny: Okay. Well, I'll just, uhm, go eat. By myself.
Leonard: Penny, you don't have to do that.
Penny: No, its okay. Between him not talking, him talking, and him, I'm better off alone. So... Goodbye, you poor strange little man.

***
Howard: Do I get an honorable mention for designing the telescope camera mounting bracket you used?
Raj: Sorry. It's not part of my heart-warming and personal narrative, in which a humble boy from New Delhi overcame poverty and prejudice and journeyed to America to reach for the stars.
Howard: Poverty? You father's a gynecologist. He drives a Bentley.
Raj: It's a lease!

***
Sheldon: I'm confused. Was there some sort of peer review committee to determine which scientist will be included?
Raj: Peer review? It's People magazine. People picked me.
Sheldon: What people?
Raj: The, the, the people from People.
Sheldon: Yeah, but exactly, who are these people? What are their credentials? How are they qualified? What makes accidentally noticing a hunk of rock that's been traipsing around the solar system for billions of years more noteworthy than any other scientific accomplishment made by someone under thirty?

***
Leonard: 'you proud of yourself?
Sheldon: In general, yes.

***
Sheldon: Look, I've found my missing neutrino.
Howard: Oh good, we can take it off the milk cart.

***
Sheldon: I often forget other people have limitations. That's so sad.
Howard: He can feel sadness?
Leonard: Not really, it's what you and I would call condescension.

***
Sheldon: Fine. What do you want me to do?
Leonard: Smile.
Howard: Oh crap! that's terrifying.
Leonard: We're here to see Koothrappali not kill Batman! try less teeth.

***
Raj: They are going to digitally add a supernova. They said it's the perfect metaphor for my incandescent talent.
Sheldon: Right. A ball of hot flaming gas that collapses upon itself.

***
Penny: I can't believe you. Raj is celebrating a tremendous accomplishment and you're not even gonna be there to support him?
Sheldon: A tremendous accomplishment would be if the planetary body he discovered were plummeting toward earth and he exploded it with his mind.
Howard: That would be cool. I'd go to that reception.

***
Sheldon: If Koothrappali is moving on to a new life of shallow, undeserved fame, then perhaps this is an opportunity to create a better cohort.
Leonard: You wanna breed a new friend?!
Sheldon: That's one option, but who has the time?

***
Howard: Sheldon, don't take this the wrong way but you're insane.
Leonard: That may well be, but the fact is, it wouldn't kill us to meet some new people.
Sheldon: For the record, it could kill us to meet new people. They could be murderers, the carriers of unusual pathogens... and I'm not insane. My mother had me tested.

***
Leonard: Let's see, money, women, technology... We're agreed, our new friend is going to be Iron Man!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Musings

Far, far too late. The saddest, loneliest words in any language.
- Bitter Honey by Helen Brooks

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

TBBT Se 02: The Barbarian Sublimation

Episode 3

Penny: Oh, I see.
Sheldon: What does that stand for?

***
Leonard: I only bring it up because your ice cream's melting and it's starting to attract wildlife.

***
Howard: What the frack?

***
Raj: It's like some kind of weird comic book cross-over.
Howard: Like if Hulk were dating Peppermint Patty.
Raj: I've always thought Peppermint Patty was a lesbian.

***
Leslie: Don't turn it off, you might miss the call from the Nobel committee letting you know you've been nominated as dumbass laureate of the year!
Sheldon: Oh yeah? Well, you wouldn't even be nominated!

***
Sheldon: Leonard, you have to do something about Penny. She is interfering with my sleep. She is interfering with my work. And if I have another significant aspect of my life, I'm sure she'll be interfering with that, too.

***
Leslie: Afternoon men, Sheldon.
Sheldon: oh, yeah? Well, you're attempted juvenilizing me by to excluding me from the set adult male... oh... I'm too tired to do this.
Leslie: Great. I've heard you've been pulling all-nighters with middle-earth barbie.
Sheldon: She comes to my room. No one's supposed to be in my room.

***
Sheldon: Hang on Leonard. Well, I have no respect for Leslie as a scientist, or a human being for that matter. We have to concede her undeniable expertise in the interrelated fields of promiscuity and general slutiness.
Leslie: Thank you.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

TBBT Se 02: The Codpiece Topology

Episode 2

Leonard: You went out and bought linen?
Sheldon: Don't be silly. I borrowed one of your pillow cases.

***
Sheldon: Notify the editors of the Oxford English dictionary. The word "plenty' has been redefined to mean "two".

***
Raj: What about leslie Winkle?
Sheldon: Oh, no.
Raj: Why?
Sheldon: Her research methodology is sloppy, she's unjustifiably arrogant about loop quantum gravity, and to make matters worse, she's often mean to me.

***
Howard: You mean like you and Richard the slave girl?
Raj: I bought him dinner and we kissed once. That was it! ...and he told me his name was Kimberly!

***
Sheldon: You know how I know we're not in the Matrix?
Leonard: How?
Sheldon: If we were, the food would be better.

***
Leslie: Hey dummy.
Sheldon: Hello to you, insufficiently
intelligent person.
Leslie: Oooh, rush me to the burn unit.

***
Leslie: So I heard your relationship with Penny crashed the ground like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory.
Leonard: Where did you hear that?
Leslie: Actually I read it. Wolowitz texted me.

***
Leonard: Sounds fun.
Leslie: I'll leave the details up to you. I think its better if you assume the male role.
Leonard: Thank you, that's very thoughtful.

***
Leonard: Sheldon, it's a date. I have a date coming over.
Sheldon: Oh. Well you cna't blame for jumping to that conclusion.
Leonard: Why? What is so unusual about me having a date?
Sheldon: Well, statistically speaking...
Leonard: Allright, alright.

***
Leonard: ...you know, make yourself scarce.
Sheldon: Leonard, I'm a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates, and an IQ which can't be accurately measured by normal tests. How much scarcer could I be?

***
Sheldon: You want me to leave the apartment?
Leonard: Yes
Sheldon: You want to just go someplace else and be someplace else?
Leonard: Yes

***
Leonard: And if science ever discovers a second member of your species and you two would like to have some privacy I'd be more than happy to get out of your way.
Sheldon: Well, alright then.

***
Penny: Sheldon, you are a smart guy. You must...
Sheldon: Smart? I'd have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as smart.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

TBBT Se 02: The Bad Fish Paradigm

Episode 01

Why don't we just figure where we're going and when we want to get there, and then, rate of speed equals distance over time. - Leonard

***
Leonard: Sheldon, how can you let them spy on me?
Sheldon: They were clever Leonard. They exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing.

***
Howard: No, it's like, "This fish tastes bad, so I'm gonna slow down and spit it out."
Raj: You being the fish.
Leonard: I'm not the fish!

***
Raj: He was a lot more fun when he had no hope.
Howard: Give him time.

***
Penny: Sheldon? Can I ask you a question?
Sheldon; I would prefer that you not, but I won't go so far as to forbid it.
Penny: Alright, I heard "yes", so...

***
Sheldon: Oh. Well, a few years ago he did go out with a woman who had a Phd in French Literature.
Penny: How was that not a brainiac?
Sheldon: Oh, for one thing, she was French. Another is literature.

***
Sheldon: You're asking to keep a secret?
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Well, I'm sorry but you would have had to express that desire before revealing the secret. So that I could choose whether or not I wanted to accept the confidence of secret-keeping.

***
Penny: I would absolutely die of embarrasment.
Sheldon: Physiologically impossible.

***
Penny: Look, I'm asking you as a friend.
Sheldon: So, you're saying that friendship contains within it, an inherent obligation to maintain confidences?
Penny: Well, yeah!
Sheldon: Interesting. One more question, and perhaps I should've lead with this. When did we become friends?

***
Howard: Shouldn't you put him on a brown paper bag and set him on fire?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

House (Season 2)

You know how people say you can't live without love, oxygen is more important. - Dr. House

...if Stacy can't trust you, you can't use her. - Dr. Wilson

Why is a guy on death row suddenly try to off himself? - Dr. House

Can't it be enough that I want to cause you pain? - Stacy

Oh no! Now you have left your entire body in my chair. - Dr. House

I'm the client, you moron! - Dr. Cuddy

It's the only reason why anybody does anything. - Dr. House

Everyone's got an opinion. - Dr. House

Don't worry. If it is you, no one would lift a finger. - Dr. House (to Dr. Chase)

Oh, you'll get all warm and cuddly around the dying girl and insinuate yourself and we'll end up in a custody battle. - Dr. House

If your patient's DNA is up by 1%, she'll be a dolphin. - Dr. House

Didn't sleep. Didn't breathe. I'm dying. - Dr. House

Exactly why you can't touch my markers. - Dr. House

Is it still illegal to perform an autopsy on a living person? - Dr. House

If it's Tuesday, I'm wasted. - Dr. House

So, her bravery was not a symptom. - Dr. Wilson

She stole a kiss from Chase. What have you done lately? - Dr. Wilson

I'm not gonna kiss you no matter what you say. - Dr. House (to a 9-year old girl)

The first casualty of this case is her sense of humor. - Dr. House

It's weird. Nothing funnier than almost killing a guy. - Dr. Wilson

The only good news is he won't be bitching about his arm if he can't breathe. - Dr. House

What if he was sick before his run in with gravity? - Dr. House

Sure. Only pavement hits that fast. - Dr. House

She's scarier than you are. - Dr. Chase

Why are you so curious about his curiosity? - Dr. Wilson

Four of them did. The question is why did I hire him. - Dr. Cuddy

My god, you're subtle! Something on your mind? - Dr. Cuddy

You two are just too nasty to each other not to have been... nasty. - Dr. Chase

Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good. - Dr. House

Oh. Check this out. It's fuzzy. It's black. It's alive. - Dr. House

You're right, I'm right. On the bright side, it has the advantage of keeping you totally responsible. - Dr. House

She's not acting like Cuddy. It's a pleasure. - Dr. House

My god, it's contagious! You're feeling guilty, too! - Dr. House

You're a good boss and you're not gonna be happy. - Dr. House

We'll if you live by the the river, I got a bag. - Dr. House

You see hypocrites everyday. Why is this one so special? - Dr. Wilson

You own disease? - Dr. House

Can't we just agree that you're just incredibly annoying? - Dr. House

Bizaare is good. - Dr. House

We are who people think we are. - Dr. House

Molecular mimicry. Nice! - Dr. House

Yeah, except in this universe effects follows cause. I've complained about it, but... - Dr. House

He was feeling better. He was never getting better. - Dr. House

You're just afraid of being wrong. - Dr. House

You just don't know how lucky you are. - Mr. House

I know. You're absolutely perfect just the way you are. - Mrs. House

Just the insane moral compass that won't let you lie to anybody about anything. It's a great quality for boy scouts and police witnesses, crappy quality for a dad. - Dr. House

He hates being a disappointment. - Dr. Wilson

So air is keeping him from breathing air. - Dr. House

I love it when you do both sides of the conversation. It's like white noise. It's very peaceful. - Dr. House

Either you screwed up or he's got cancer. - Dr. House

Congratulations Chase! He's got cancer. - Dr. House

Or repeat everything I say in question form. - Dr. House

Anger is not rational. - Dr. Wilson

You are healed. Rise and walk. - Dr. House

I want to apologize. Maybe I've been punishing you for a little too long. Or maybe you've been punishing me... I need to know, do you hate me? Or do you love me? - Dr. House

I hate you. And I love you. And I love Mark. - Stacy Warner

You'd be surprised what you can live with. - Dr. Wilson

Now let go of my cane before it becomes your new boyfriend. - Dr. House

It's not what you think. I know it looks like we're cleaning dishes but actually we're having sex. - Dr. House

His meds make him so much better so he made himself sick. - Dr. Foreman

Trying to win Stacy back by killing an animal. You're a caveman. - Dr. Wilson

He's too pretty to be straight. - a patient

Love is love. Satisfying is social validation, fun can wait. - patient

In a closet. Your girlfriend's other boyfriend showed up. - Dr. House

Why put on a raincoat when you're already wet? - patient

My giving a damn or not is not going to change anything. - Dr. House

Would you stop being nice? It's useless, and worse, it's boring. Get angry. One stupid night I end up with HIV. Do you have any idea how pissed off I was? - patient

Why, I had to? Mark isn't here. - Dr. House

Steve McQueen without hair? It's a blessing he died young. - Dr. House

She's fine. Probably getting bored by the question. - Dr. House

He though he was dying. Dying people lie, too. - Dr. House

What did you say when you thought you were dying? - Dr. Cameron

Playing by the rules makes everybody else, happy. Now, I'm happy. - patient

She thinks that he thinks that she's still have feelings for me. - Dr. House

He's alright. For a rat. - Stacy Warner

Sorry you're miserable. - Dr. House

Don't mind me? I'm just here for the show? - Dr. House

He steal her signature look? - Dr. House

I'm not an idiot. - Dr. Chase

Obviously not. Who doesn't sleep with a drugged-out colleague when they have a chance? - Dr. House

Not the kid, the rat! - Dr. Wilson

Not the rat, the dad! - Dr. House

Touch a dead fox, they jump aboard, they can hunker down for decades - growing, spawning, shopping, putting on plays... - Dr. House

Okay, it's cancer. You happy? - Dr. House

That's it? Okay? No name-calling? No squawking? No rending of garments? - Dr. Cuddy

You wanna kill yourself? Fine, but stop recruiting! - Dr. Cameron

Sure, why not! He hit me first. - Dr. House

I'm gay! Oh, that's not what you meant. - Dr. House

Monday, September 22, 2008

House (Season 1)

You can live with dignity. You can't die with it. - Dr. House

Here's what you need to know. It's dangerous. It could kill him. You should do it. - Dr. Foreman

Who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. - Dr. House

It's either that or get my hair highlighted. I think smugness is easier to maintain. - Dr. House

Beauty often seduces us from the road to truth. Dr. Wilson

Reality is almost always wrong. - Dr. House

People don't bug me until they grow teeth. - Dr. House

It's a very sad thing - an uncalibrated centrifuge. - Dr. House

I'll keep the kid alive. For a while at least. - Dr. Chase

What can I say? Chicks with no teeth turn me on. - Dr. House

Her only sign of mental illness is that she disagrees with you. - Dr. Cuddy

Clarification. It's a beautiful thing. - Dr. House

Neither is being obnoxious. Looks like you're clear. - Dr. Chase

'cause you irritate me. - Dr. House

Like I always say there's no "i" in team. There's "me" though, if you jumble it up. - Dr. House

The guy's already paralyzed, how badly can he screw it up? - Dr. House

Saturday, September 6, 2008

DaTong Trip: YunGang Grottoes (YunGang ShiKu)

We checked-out of our hotel early Sunday morning. We saved more than a few kuais because the hotel only charged us for a night though we checked-in around 4 am Saturday.

We walked to KFC for breakfast then took a cab to YunGang Grottoes. We've planned to take the bus but I got a headache looking for the bus route. I had this map I bought Saturday which turned out to be outdated (published last 2000... go figure).

on the way


From Wikipedia: The Yungang Grottoes (simplified Chinese: 云冈石窟; traditional Chinese: 雲崗石窟; pinyin: Yúngāng Shíkū) are ancient Buddhist temple grottoes near the city of Datong in the Chinese province of Shanxi. They are excellent examples of rock-cut architecture and one of the three most famous ancient sculptural sites of China. The others are Longmen and Mogao.

map

near the entrance


From Wikipedia: The site is located about 16 km south-west of the city, in the valley of the Shi Li river at the base of the Wuzhou Shan mountains. The grottoes were mainly constructed in the period between 460-525 AD during the Northern Wei dynasty. They are an outstanding example of the Chinese stone carvings from the 5th and 6th centuries. All together the site is composed of 252 grottoes with more than 51,000 Buddha statues and statuettes. In 2001, the Yungang Grottoes were made a UNESCO World Heritage Site. The Yungang Grottoes is considered by UNESCO a "masterpiece of early Chinese Buddhist cave art... [and] ...represent the successful fusion of Buddhist religious symbolic art from south and central Asia with Chinese cultural traditions, starting in the 5th century CE under Imperial auspices."

UNESCO World Heritage Site

From chinamuseums.com: Fifty-three grottoes remain at Yungang today, with some 51,000 statues. The tallest among these is 17 meters high, the smallest is only a few centimeters. Carving techniques build on and further develop the traditional arts of the Qin and Han dynasties, but also absorb and merge into these the artistic traditions of both India and western regions. The grottoes are divided into three distinct sections, east, central and west.













I didn't get to buy a lot of souvenirs because I don't have a bus ticket to Beijing yet, and it's kind of a far to walk back home...

Souvenirs galore