TBBT Se 02: The Bad Fish Paradigm

Episode 01

Why don't we just figure where we're going and when we want to get there, and then, rate of speed equals distance over time. - Leonard

***
Leonard: Sheldon, how can you let them spy on me?
Sheldon: They were clever Leonard. They exploited my complete lack of interest in what you were doing.

***
Howard: No, it's like, "This fish tastes bad, so I'm gonna slow down and spit it out."
Raj: You being the fish.
Leonard: I'm not the fish!

***
Raj: He was a lot more fun when he had no hope.
Howard: Give him time.

***
Penny: Sheldon? Can I ask you a question?
Sheldon; I would prefer that you not, but I won't go so far as to forbid it.
Penny: Alright, I heard "yes", so...

***
Sheldon: Oh. Well, a few years ago he did go out with a woman who had a Phd in French Literature.
Penny: How was that not a brainiac?
Sheldon: Oh, for one thing, she was French. Another is literature.

***
Sheldon: You're asking to keep a secret?
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Well, I'm sorry but you would have had to express that desire before revealing the secret. So that I could choose whether or not I wanted to accept the confidence of secret-keeping.

***
Penny: I would absolutely die of embarrasment.
Sheldon: Physiologically impossible.

***
Penny: Look, I'm asking you as a friend.
Sheldon: So, you're saying that friendship contains within it, an inherent obligation to maintain confidences?
Penny: Well, yeah!
Sheldon: Interesting. One more question, and perhaps I should've lead with this. When did we become friends?

***
Howard: Shouldn't you put him on a brown paper bag and set him on fire?