TBBT Se 02: The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem

Episode 6

Leonard: Sheldon, we both agreed to do this.
Sheldon: It's a waste of time. I might as well explain the laws of thermodynamics to a bunch of labradoodles.
Leonard: If you don't do this, I won't take you to the comic book store.

***
Sheldon: Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I too was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was 14. And I already achieved what most of you could ever hope to, despite my nine o'clock bed time.

***
Sheldon: In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make a significant contribution to physics played a cruel trick on you. A cruel trick indeed. Any questions? Of course not. I weep for the future of science. Now, if you'll excuse me, the latest issue of Batman is out.

***
Raj: Isn't there a university policy against dating graduate students?
Leonard: No. If you can talk to them, you can ask them out.
Raj: Damn! There's always a catch.

***
Sheldon: But why should I cater to second-rate minds?
Leslie: Because first-rate minds call you dumb-ass?
Sheldon: Oh yeah? Wh... you're a mean person.

***
Ramona: Dr. Cooper, I've read everything you've published. I especially liked you paper on grand unification using string theory condensates and was wondering how you determined that three-dimensional string that's provided a unified picture of fermions and gauge bosons.
Sheldon: Amazing! An intelligent labradoodle.

***
Leonard: Sheldon lives in fear of the three-tined fork.
Sheldon: Three tines is not a fork. Three tines is a trident. Forks are for eating, tridents are for ruling the Seven Seas.

***
Penny: Are you here to see Leonard?
Ramona: No, Dr. Cooper.
Penny: Dr. Sheldon Cooper?
Ramona: We're having dinner.
Penny: Sheldon Cooper!? Tall, thin, looks a little like a giant praying mantis?
Ramona: He is cute, isn't he?
Penny: Sheldon Cooper?

***
Leonard: Sheldon, you girl, date, person... Ramona's here!

***
Ramona: Sorry, I didn't bring enough for your friends. I assumed we were going to be alone.
Leonard: Oh, yeah. We were just going...
Howard: ... to watch right?
Leonard: Oh come on now, we're going out!
Penny: Oh come on, we'll be quiet...

***
Penny: What's Sheldon's deal?
Leonard: What do you mean 'deal'?
Penny: Oh you know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls, guys, sock puppets?
Leonard: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that Sheldon has no deal.
Penny: Oh, come on. Everybody has a deal.
Howard: Not Sheldon. Over the years we formulated many theories about how he might reproduce. I'm an advocate of mitosis.
Penny: I'm sorry?
Howard: I believe, one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons.
Leonard: On the other hand, I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species and someday he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moth wings and an exoskeleton.

***
Sheldon: I need your help.
Leonard: What are you talking about?
Sheldon: I'm invoking the Sky-net clause of our friendship agreement.
Leonard: That only applies if you need me to help you destroy an artificial intelligence that you created that's taking over the earth.
Sheldon: Come on! Don't nitpick!
Leonard: Good night!
Sheldon: Alright! I'm invoking our body snatchers clause.
Leonard: The body snatchers clause requires me to help you kill someone we know who's been replaced with an alien pod.
Sheldon: Yes, she's in the living room. Go! I'll wait here.